dear two year molars,

I am really over your drama. I get it. you’re growing. you’re helping my son eat some serious food. awesome. I do appreciate you.

I do not appreciate you keeping him up an hour later than normal at night. not one bit. I’m over the fact that the only teething ring that’s relieving to him is a Walmart shopping cart. gross. can’t you think of something a little bit more creative?

I’ve never been hit, kicked, or bit so much in my life. and I want it to stop. like, yesterday. I only love him, care for him, feed him, & play with him. I have done nothing to you. I think teeth are great. no, awesome. without you, life would be so so sad. no more corn on the cob, bowls of crunchy oatmeal cereal, or snickerdoodles.

this should be a celebration. not a horrible stage that is leading me to my death. death by teeth.

No love,
Jonathan’s mama.


One response »

  1. Dear Jonathan’s Mama,

    You need to pull on your big girl pants and realize this is gonna be YOUR LIFE so long as I’m in town…or coming to town…or…whatever. Your whining is boring me. Your witty little correspondence only makes me aim to cause more pain and drama in yo’ mama life (that’s you, not your mother).

    Much love,

    Two year molar

    PS- don’t worry so much about the Wal Mart carts, Jonathan is up to date on all his shots.

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